A selection of services rendered by my consulting firm Imperial Services in 2012:
Introducing into the weekday life of a downtown San Francisco businessman 3 or 4 unexpected events.
Advised a woman fresh from a breakup on how best to exorcise her ex.
Selected music for the funeral of the client’s father.
Designed a procedure to test the fidelity of a client’s wife.
Gave a color consultation for paint to be applied to the back of a painting’s frame.
Read a book for someone.
Gave a theoretical physicist some ideas for experiments.
Determined sufficient answers for the world’s most pressing questions.
Provided a client with a list of pressing questions.
Diverted a client’s magazine subscriptions to someone in need.
Taught a client how to ignore advertising.
Removed bad vibes from a room.
Created a custom painting.
Documented a client’s road trip.
Tutored client on an arcane subject.
Authored a full Wikipedia entry about client.
Filled the potholes along a client’s route to and from work.
Allowed a client to be silly and frivolous without consequence.
Helped a radio station broadcast in Russian for 48 hours to make an immigrant feel more at home.
Helped a client compose love letters.
Provided a client with a subject for stalking.
Posed as a client for a blind date at a business function.
Business card. ca. 1957 showing the original logo that bears the Latin saying “Audentes Fortuna Iuvat”, i.e. “Fortune favors the bold.” Designer uncredited.